love

Well... here I am again.

This week is  very cold. I'm sitting here in my dorm and feel caged.
I want to go to the other campus and see my alien... althoug I'm not certain if I love him.
But do I really care? Now every fiber of my body directs me to love.

My friend meant... maybe you don't need it. Maybe you don't need sex.
But she is wrong. I need love and I want to have sex too.
I'm not satisfied with admiring, I'm not satisfied with being a friend and a sister.
I'm longing so hard for love that I want to cry.
Just in the days now I feel like a slave of my disires. I'm tired of beeing alone.
I'm afraid of ending up as an old maid.
I have so much love to give... but I want to be loved a little bit my self.
I've never heard the sentence "I love you".

And I feel as if I have forgotten how to say it myself.

And Alien does not write to me at all... of course I think that he has a lot of work too...
But now I start to worry... I don't know if I have charms at all.... and if I'm worth that somebody is waiting for me...
Oh how I wish somebody would curtship me... but this is not the time of courtshiping...

Maybe spring will be better?
Don't I diserve a spring of love? I was good for sooooo long time...
Ailen wished that all my wishes come true....
I like to be humble... but I can't... I have a big wish... I want to be in love.